Lesson for a lifetime

I was talking with an acquaintance last week when she learned of my news for the first time. Now I have found everyone reacts differently to such news, and I have learned not to read too much in to these things. Yet this woman with this newly discovered news began to divulge to me the secret of life -- seeing as I didn't have time left to discover it myself. She had read a book, and it even had a whole chapter on cancer. And evidently it said cancer is a blessing, for you now know your fate, can stop worring about it and focus on the here and now. I realize I'm probably being a bit hard on her, but really...it hit a nerve. That a woman donning a skin tight spaghetti strapped top reading "Hooter's girl" across her chest is to be my budda to a life well lived? Or that she is suddenly an expert on my so called life after reading a 20 page excerpt from a book? Yes, a small nerve is flaring here.

But I reflected, what HAS changed? Because I know I am not the same person I was a year ago. Close, but not the same. I'm still pretty much the same person. I'm not hideously disfigured. You would all still recognize me. I still enjoy my sarcasm. I still put my foot in my mouth just as frequently.

So here it what has changed, what I have discovered about myself and my journey:

I learned I am not in charge here. Someone else is steering my wheel, and for that I am thankful.

If I'm taking life lessons from a book (like the above mentioned book), the author needs some serious credibility. Purely secular writers don't hold much weight for me these days. It is merely the difference of perspective and appreciation. Writings of various saints and religious pop to mind. Though my faith has long been an important aspect of my life, I understand even more clearly how it touches all aspects of my life.

In reading so many various lives of the saints, I have also discovered this - I am not them. Nor were any of them each other. They were all unique. Therefore, although they set very good examples and models for me to follow, it is for me to find my own path that God has laid out especially for me.

I learned how to ask for help. Not something that came easily, but became a necessity. And I even had help asking for help!

I graciously learned how many people rise to the occasion and WANT to help, and how blessed I am to have such people in my life.

I also learned not everyone rises to the occasion when called. Some disappoint us time and time again. And to find compassion and forgiveness within myself, particularly when I'd rather feel sorry for myself, can be difficult, but necessary.

I learned who I could lean on; and who I couldn't.

I learned who true friends were, and made many more along the way.

I learned how important it is to tell our friends and family how much we cherish each and every one of them.

Most of all, I learned it is more important to know who I want to be rather than what I am. It is more important to know where I want to go rather than where I am at this very moment. Whether I make it 3 years or 50 years, to strive to be that person I want others to see in me. To make a positive difference, even if so little, in other's lives, as so many have done for me.