what WE do...really

How many times have you read an article on home schooling and thought, 'oh, I wish my family could be like THAT'? I know! I know because I've heard from too many people (outside of talking to myself) that this rosy picture is not what we see reflected in our own homes (and schools). One dear friend of mine, who is preparing to begin home schooling, always tells me I am one of the first people she calls when she has a school related question. Why? As she tells it, not because I'll have the perfect answer, but because I will tell it to her like it is. Now, I'm not on any mission to convert the world to home schooling. I will be the first to admit, it is not for everyone. There are simply no perfect answers, no perfect solutions, no perfect schools. So we make the best decision that fits our families. There are days (and days) where I question if home schooling is not even for me. But for now, it is the our best solution for our family, and we stick it out.

My biggest complaint would have to be what many people cherish about this lifestyle. You are always, always with your kids. Now, there are benefits to this. It does make for a very tight family and there is barely anything I as a mom "miss". I see and hear all. Really. And some of it warms you to the core, and some tempts you to run off to foreign lands. Add to this fact that not only do you rarely get a break from your own kids, they don't get a break from you nagging them nor the constant presense of thier siblings. Togetherness can be a good thing, but what do they say about too much of a good thing?? Yes, it leads to a lot of bickering, squabbles, fighting, screaming, crying...ugh. Eventually it all ends with me threatening bedtimes at starting at 5:00 as I've heard enough by that point of the day. All I want for Christmas is one quiet evening!

So as far as our home school, this is what we really do DO...

As pictured above, yes, school is done in pajamas from time to time. I usually insist on the kids being dressed to start lessons, but hey, if I've got their attention and willingness to start work without an argument, I could really care less what garments they are wearing.

The younger ones really do learn from the bigger ones. It is amazing how much gets passed down. Number four has so much exposure to EVERYTHING as compared to the first. And it shows.

We do school (our formal written lessons) at our dining room table. We started out in the basement, created a nice, finished faux classroom. It was really neat. And it didn't work. Being below ground, no matter how nice, just felt too much like we were being confined (albeit self-confined). The dining room table allows us plenty of workspace and best of all - sunshine.

Now one thing I will state, is you can tell a home school home usually upon entering. There are certain characteristics you just wouldn't normall see elsewhere. I know Greg has been resistant to many of these things, but as our school grows, it is just a natural coarse. For example...

Our china hutch doubles for glasswares, and a library. Granted, these are not even close to the number of school books we posses. This is just what we pull from on a daily basis, mostly workbooks. Behind the closed doors and in the drawers are most of our art & craft supplies and other miscellanious school supplies. I will take a picture of our "other" library when it is decent enough to take a picture of! We have five bookcases in our basement over full of childrens books we have collected with the intent of homeschooling. This, I have found, is a trademark of a home school.

A book book here, a book book there, here a book, there a book, everywhere a book book.

Well, that's a scratch on the surface of the life of a real home schooler.

Lesson for a lifetime

I was talking with an acquaintance last week when she learned of my news for the first time. Now I have found everyone reacts differently to such news, and I have learned not to read too much in to these things. Yet this woman with this newly discovered news began to divulge to me the secret of life -- seeing as I didn't have time left to discover it myself. She had read a book, and it even had a whole chapter on cancer. And evidently it said cancer is a blessing, for you now know your fate, can stop worring about it and focus on the here and now. I realize I'm probably being a bit hard on her, but really...it hit a nerve. That a woman donning a skin tight spaghetti strapped top reading "Hooter's girl" across her chest is to be my budda to a life well lived? Or that she is suddenly an expert on my so called life after reading a 20 page excerpt from a book? Yes, a small nerve is flaring here.

But I reflected, what HAS changed? Because I know I am not the same person I was a year ago. Close, but not the same. I'm still pretty much the same person. I'm not hideously disfigured. You would all still recognize me. I still enjoy my sarcasm. I still put my foot in my mouth just as frequently.

So here it what has changed, what I have discovered about myself and my journey:

I learned I am not in charge here. Someone else is steering my wheel, and for that I am thankful.

If I'm taking life lessons from a book (like the above mentioned book), the author needs some serious credibility. Purely secular writers don't hold much weight for me these days. It is merely the difference of perspective and appreciation. Writings of various saints and religious pop to mind. Though my faith has long been an important aspect of my life, I understand even more clearly how it touches all aspects of my life.

In reading so many various lives of the saints, I have also discovered this - I am not them. Nor were any of them each other. They were all unique. Therefore, although they set very good examples and models for me to follow, it is for me to find my own path that God has laid out especially for me.

I learned how to ask for help. Not something that came easily, but became a necessity. And I even had help asking for help!

I graciously learned how many people rise to the occasion and WANT to help, and how blessed I am to have such people in my life.

I also learned not everyone rises to the occasion when called. Some disappoint us time and time again. And to find compassion and forgiveness within myself, particularly when I'd rather feel sorry for myself, can be difficult, but necessary.

I learned who I could lean on; and who I couldn't.

I learned who true friends were, and made many more along the way.

I learned how important it is to tell our friends and family how much we cherish each and every one of them.

Most of all, I learned it is more important to know who I want to be rather than what I am. It is more important to know where I want to go rather than where I am at this very moment. Whether I make it 3 years or 50 years, to strive to be that person I want others to see in me. To make a positive difference, even if so little, in other's lives, as so many have done for me.

Coming up on a year!

This September holds some big landmarks days for us. The first has passed - September 13th. My mom's birthday. Same day we received the news that would turn our worlds on end. One single xray, something I hadn't had done for 8 years, would show something that made my otherwise docile grandfatherly doctor very excitable. It was a sort of morbid curiosity and intrigue behind the excitement that was a bit disturbing. The rest was a whirlwind. I remember driving across town, to the hospital, my doctor's office, anyplace I've been where they might have an older chest xray to compare. None. Back to the hospital for a CT scan. Home by 1:00. By 3:00 we had a cardio-thoracic surgeon lined up and a date on the calendar. Still, everyone had assured us it was benign. We wouldn't find out until the day of surgery, Sept. 24th, that it wasn't. Midway through surgery to be precise, when they biopsied a frozen section while I was still lying open on the table. Half my left lung would now be removed, which was still better than the "worse case scenario" (the entire lung would come out) laid out for us days before as the surgeon gave us full disclosure.

I have now completed my second post-treatment check-up with flying colors. While every clean scan is a welcomed relief, I have to admit much of it seems so anti-climatic. You're good (for another 3 months)! To live in such increments is difficult. Having marked a year, I do feel better, more encouraged, more optimistic. I still have a hard time getting much enthusiasm for any real long term plans, but I'm sure that will come, given time.

My fatigue is still high. It's hard to measure as I've never been a morning person to begin with, but now I'm not a morning, afternoon or night person. I keep getting told it is likely residual from the chemo, and may take as much as a year out of treatment to feel back up to full speed. Keeping busy does help stave off the fatigue, but I just fall harder!

I have also become an official hypochondriac. Every little ache and pain now sends off paranoia that the cancer has returned - and spread. Granted, I'm sure entering middle age has nothing to do with it. And knowing all the places lung cancer metastasizes to doesn't help matters along. I'm now under the gentle care of an internist, alongside my oncologist, who is excellent at traversing this road with me without making me feel like a complete idiot.

On other notes, school is back in swing here full force. Our days are busy, which is a good thing to occupy my mind. We are finding more and more ways to break from routine, head outdoors as long as weather permits, and still get much accomplished. The kids are asking for "recesses" this year, where we go for walks in the neighborhood and maybe stop at a park where I read to them books we never seem to find time to get to. It really draws out the school day longer, but nobody is complaining (yet). I am finally having glimpses of what I HOPED home schooling would be like. A taste of success, and an appetite for more.

Our computer also crashed here a few months ago, and I lost ALL of our contacts we had saved in Outlook. Phone numbers, addresses, emails, everything. So if you read this - drop me an email so I can update. Chances are if you haven't heard from me it's because I'm so disorganized and I don't know how to get in touch with you! You can reach me at two4cy@windstream.net.

a few pictures to catch up

Just a short catch up. The kids and I have spent a lot of time doing a local "safari" with many friends. We've logged many hours in the heat at the zoo and parks. We've also spent many evenings with the kids huddled in the basement waiting out some eventful storms. The fourth of July is also a highlight of the year for the kids, as Greg goes absolutely crazy with the fireworks, and this year was no exception. I found myself hiding inside more this

year as the firework smoke became more than my pathetic lungs could bear. We have just completed building a new clubhouse/fort/swingset for the kids today. The kids are anxious to play in it, but it required a bit of new landscaping, and it is surrounded by impassable mud (and more rain in the forecast). We are trying desperately to get sod down, but evidently they won't cut the sod when it's this wet -- the perfect time to put it in. =( Pictures of the "fort" will follow soon!

A vacation from real life

Over Memorial day weekend I did something I never do - I went on a trip without the family, just for fun. Last year about this time I went to a homeschooling convention up in Minneapolis. The convention was OK, but I really enjoyed the time away. It would have been even better for me had I been able to take in the sights and all of the city, but time didn't allow it. Really, as a stay-at-home mom, you never get a break. You are on call 24/7/365. So this year, I was planning on returning to the same trip, and looking for a companion who would also like to break from the convention and hit the city. Unfortunately, the timing didn't work out for anyone to even go for the convention this year as most people in our home school group were committed to going to ordinations that same weekend. My husband knew how disappointed I was not to make the trip and get my few days of respite. So he suggested I pick a weekend and go somewhere with a friend. Ideally, I would have gone with him, but alas, there was no one to watch the kids overnight. The younger ones have had a hard time adjusting to my absences with treatment and all, so having both me and Greg gone would have been extremely difficult for whoever was left in charge. So that is how I ended up in Chicago with my good friend Bridget.

The first day of our trip we landed, got settled in our very nice downtown hotel and headed off on foot to Gino's pizza. I've been there dozens of times before, though in its old location, and was really looking forward to the pizza and its unique atmosphere. Bridget was new to Chicago, so it was nice to share that first time experience with her. From there we hit the Art Institute, one of my all time favorites. Unfortunately they close at 6:00 and we didn't get to spend a great deal of time there, not to mention many of my favorite galleries were off exhibit - the Renaissance period. Still, what we saw was great. That evening we took a boat ride and tour of the river and lake. This was when I probably missed Greg the most. It was beautiful, and it was cold!

Saturday we hit the Sears Tower, which was way more exciting than I expected, and then Shedd Aquarium. In between we had tickets for the double decker buses and trolley cars, which was very disappointing. We took a water taxi from Shedd to Navy Pier for dinner. We finished out the evening at a sports bar across the street from our hotel and watched the first game for the Stanley Cup. Bridget is a huge Red Wings fan.

We did a lot of walking, really taking in the city, and came back to quiet and green Nebraska on Sunday. I really enjoy the city, but I must admit, I like living in Nebraska.

First Holy Communion

Well, we survived yet another year of catechism in preperation for First Communion (Scott received last year). I am happy to report it went off without a hitch. Kate had to be proded a bit when she was interviewed by Father, as she is my most shy child and just becomes plain silly when she gets nervous. But he passed her with flying colors.

And, as she was the only girl in the class to receive on Sunday, she had the honor of crowing the May Queen. She was so excited to wear her very elaborate dress and veil, until she found out how difficult it was to keep the veil pinned in! By the end she couldn't wait to take off the veil, and exclaimed "FINALLY!" to the entire congregations' amusement.

She is now trying to complete a novena of Masses, which is wonderful, but that it requires me to take all four of the kids to daily Mass. Okay, really, Matthew is the only problem...but a big problem he is! He understands being quiet, but he thinks he is sooooo funny and can't help but laugh out loud constantly (definitely gets that from Greg who always laughs the loudest at his own jokes, if he can get through them).

She very tenderly told Greg that she made it her special intention for her First Communion that my cancer would go away forever. Certainly a powerful prayer from a seven year old. =)

clear skies

I recieved my all clear at my first post-treatment check-up with my oncologist yesterday! Hopefully the first of many all clears.

I have had many people ask what the "plan" is now, and thought this is a good place to put it out there. I am on a three month check up schedule right now. Once I make 2 years past my diagnosis (still clear) I will wean down to every six months until I hit five years. Then it's once a year for life. Chances of recurrence are the highest the first two years, hence the close follow up. We are basically waiting to see if "the horse is out of the barn" as my doc referred to it. Not to be pessimistic, but this is our new reality. Unfortunately lung cancer likes to metastasize very quickly. Though they removed the tumor in my lung, there is a possibility that it had already made it to the bloodstream (which is why I did chemo). And if after all of that anything was left behind, we basically have to wait for it to multiply large enough to be found by CT or Xray (pea size is what I understand). For a benchmark, it takes about a million lc cells to make up a pencil sized dot that is basically "untraceable". There is a common terminology of NED, No Evidence of Disease, meaning if it is there, we can't find it. So we go with the happy pressumption that all is well until proven otherwise, and every scan that confirms it is a welcome relief. =)

I spent last week back "home" in the Quad-Cities visiting family. It was a good trip, and even the drive went pretty well (which is saying a lot for spending 8 hours on the road with four kids by myself). I was reminded of a brutal trip the kids and I made last year about this time when all four kids came down with the stomach flu on the way home. It seemed like an endless journey and all I could do was laugh (it was laugh or cry!) as all four were throwing up before we had made it half way home. This trip was much more uneventful. Yeah!